Back to Brooklyn

Boris Anisfeld (Russian, 1879-1973) 'Clouds Over the Black Sea--Crimea', 1906.

Hello Friends,

So many changes. I've moved to Brooklyn, mainly because of the little scamp pictured above--my granddaughter Lyra. She fills my heart, my life, she is a gift. I lived in Brooklyn in the 80's and have never felt as at home as I do here. It's crowded, cacophonous, falling apart. But so much beauty in the people. As the world outside my little bubble grows uglier, I find people get kinder. People I don't even know--just passing on the street, or holding a door open. The baby is so friendly--she beams at all we see, and they beam back.

I just finished a profound book--The Overstory, by Richard Powers. I can't even talk about it--it's still so close. My other favorite books of the past couple years are Mink River and The Plover, both by Brian Doyle. They are all intertwined with nature, friendship, love, sorrow, beauty...

I hope you too are finding kindness in your travels.

Jennifer

last words (with berries)

 These days I often think about dying, and death. Which also makes me think about life, and living. I've been close to what feels like a lot of dying people, people I loved. My father, my mother, my dearest friend, my stepmother, my brother.

I was with my father exactly when life left him. My stepmother was out, buying him a Jamba Juice, the only thing he would eat those final days. Boysenberry. I held his hand, he held my hand, and his last words were, "Stay." Pause. "Stay." I did.

I wasn't with my mother at her moment of death, but when I left the hospice for the final time, her last words to me were, "Give us a hug." The hospice people were lovely. They brushed her hair and remarked how pretty she was.

The last day I saw my brother, in the hospital he never left, a week before he died, he wanted Trader Joe's Kombucha and frozen strawberries. The only other thing he wanted was his old radio, so he could listen to baseball games. His last words to me were close to my mother's. "Give me a hug."

Dying is profound. The most important thing I've learned in that realm is you never want to let someone die alone. They want to be touched, held, remembered, loved. They might want berries too. Isn't that what we all want? To be touched, held, remembered, loved. (And eat berries.)

So, the part about dying making me think about living. After the first few deaths I had that, "seize the day" urge, and did the crazy thing of opening an antique store four hours from home, because I thought it would be fun. (It was and it wasn't. It's how this blog got started.)

With my brother's recent death, I've found a different tone. It has to do with love, and being present.

To be continued. Maybe.
Photos taken at the Brooklyn Botanic Garden.

Looking

Brooklyn, New York

                                                                  Hello, my friends.

I've been away for too long, but, as the saying goes: 

The more things change, the more they stay the same. 

(Or something.)

Kawasi Hasui, 1923. Seen at the Clark Museum, Williamstown Massachusetts

 I've discovered an era of Japanese prints that I love--Shin Hanga, from the first half of the twentieth century, moving away from traditionalists like Hokusai, toward modernism.

Sea roses, Portland Maine

 My love for flowers and the world of nature continues. 

No matter how much I look, there is always something new to see, 

or a new way of looking at it.

Teddy Bear Cholla, Tucson Arizona

 I try to remember to look up, to look down, 

to look wherever I am not looking. 

To investigate tree bark and ditch flowers.

Ice, Andes New York

I get absorbed in watching ice form, water flow, the colors of wild flowers. 

Can perspective be a saving grace?

Greenpoint waterfront, Brooklyn

 I hope that you are well, I really do.

xo

Jennifer

summer

Andes, New York

 It's been a summer of variations on the themes of recent summers. 

Some weekends in the Catskills, not enough, but one day, if I'm lucky,

I will have lots and lots of time there, whole seasons to explore

all those greens.

jewel weed, also known as touch-me-not

As ever I am enchanted by wildflowers, little gifts that just appear

on roadsides and streamsides, unmowed lawns, 

wherever there is a little bit of space and dirt and light.

Taki the cat; Greenpoint, Brooklyn

Ten days in NYC, apartment/cat/garden sitting

for one of my sons. 

Ten days of walking, taking ferries, subways and busses,

taking it in, that endlessly interesting city.

Brooklyn Botanic Garden

Botanic gardens in Brooklyn and the Bronx.

Monet, Metropolitan Museum of Art

So many museums.

There have been lots of cats as well.

I fostered three litters of kittens for the shelter where I volunteer

(and kept the one in the picture).

I am fortunate to experience so much goodness and beauty.

The real life problems exist, 

but I just want to share the good things, 

and hope you find a bit of pleasure in them,

a reminder maybe of some wildflowers you saw,

or a kitten you once loved.

xo, Jennifer

SaveSave

frog pond, not peony

The palest of pinks 

with deep green leaves or a tabby cat.

Mountain laurel. Tabby cat. Paoneia.

Words. I used to love words, to write. 

I wrote poetry, novels, essays,

a few published, most not, but I kept writing,

because it was my way of understanding the world, and myself.

In the last few years I've lost that.

Maybe because I'm painting.

Maybe because I turned to blogging and now Instagram

which I love, but few words are required.

I still read constantly, but writing? 

Creative or otherwise doesn't have a place in my life.

It's sort of amusing that I'm thinking of returning to regular blogging to get back into writing. It's like I've forgotten how to write privately. I used to be obsessed. I worked as a lawyer in the family courts, cared for my three children, and wrote into the wee hours. Just me, pen and notebook, or later, computer. Word processor--who remembers that pair of words? Anyway, life... (that's an Instagram poem.) The thing is, I have one more tangle I really need to figure out, and the only way I think I can do it is by writing.

What I need to write about is a complex personal ecosystem. It's a frog pond, not a peony. It's a lot of dark and murky with some wildflowers and frogs and dragonflies mixed in. (Metaphors! Similes!) I'm thinking of blogging as my sketchbook. To be continued...

Pink Hills and Wildflowers

 New Mexico---I spent most of my time in the countryside, taking in the mysterious landscapes--red hills, pink hills, black hills, mountains and mesas, buttes and canyons. This most memorable place, Tent Rocks, a short steep hike up a slot canyon, was otherworldly. Truly, as though I stepped onto another planet or a Star Wars movie. The trip was a cliche--me following the Georgia O'Keeffe trail, but it was also a trip of epiphanies and learning. Geology, Pueblo Indians, the atomic bomb, there was much to think about.

 Then home, where I try to hold on to what I learned, 

and not let it all slip away,

 It's wildflower season in the Catskills.

 I savor the familiar landscape, the creek, the frog pond, 

the crisp starry nights.

I walk downstream, among the ferns.

I hope you are enjoying the season, whatever it is,
wherever you are.

xo, Jennifer

Around Here

Poppy

 Hello friends. It's all kittens, all the time. I've been volunteering at a cat shelter, and offered to foster five kittens from three different litters, and the heroic mother cat, who has been caring for all of them. It's been great fun, and I love them all, but no, I'm not keeping any. Once they are spayed/neutered and healthy, the shelter will find homes for them. Kittens must be adopted with another kitten or young cat (or the mother cat) and it comforts me to know that some of them will be adopted together.

I've missed a couple of Catskill weekends because of family stuff and kitten emergencies, but look forward to getting back later this month and seeing the wildflowers. I finally have a few blooms in my yard, and supplement them with flowers from the store. I need flowers. There, I said it.

I'm still painting regularly. Seascapes, landscapes...Thinking about night flowers 

and frog ponds.

A few evenings ago I went to Boston's Museum of Fine Arts, which stays open until the civilized hour of 10 p.m. three nights a week. I saw this Edward Hopper painting, A Room in Brooklyn, and it was like looking in a mirror.

Although I rarely post, here, I will continue to do so, to keep the thread, the connections, with those of you who aren't on Instagram. And maybe someday I'll post more in depth. I find myself staying away from the computer more, leaving my phone behind sometimes, picking up paper and pencil.

I hope that all is well with you.

xo, Jennifer

April Snow

Catskill hills

Aji and hyacinths

It is April, and today it snowed and tomorrow it will snow and at night the temperature will dip close to single digits. I worry about the birds, and the blossoms. I don't actually have any blossoms, but my neighbors do. I'm not going to complain. I can buy flowers at the store and bring them in my house. I have a house, and money to buy flowers, and a family that loves me, and a few friends and cats and lots of books. I have everything. I love the sharp seasons of New England, and  unpredictable weather. Actually, weather can be pretty well predicted these days, but we can't control it. And that makes me happy. A clear night with a splash of stars gives way to slow moving clouds. Wind blows, snow falls, sun shines.

Ice world, Catskills

 

They seem alive, these icy wonders,
constantly melting and refreezing, morphing

covering rock, moss and fern

hanging in the air.

quiet, drifting

 After eleven feet of snow last winter, I've been happy to have a mild winter, although it didn't feel quite right. There wasn't the invigorating briskness of autumn or the freshness of spring, just something that felt in-between and kind of blah. Yesterday we had the perfect storm--about eight inches of snow, heavy and wet, so it stuck to the trees creating a Dr. Zhivago/winter wonderland effect.

 I put seed out under the eves close to the house and eventually birds found it. I sat for a long time, quietly watching them, and realized that sitting and watching is probably what serious bird watching is about. That's something I could get into. Wrens, juncos, titmice, sparrows and cardinals (spectacular against the snow) found their way to my deck while the cats and I observed. Nature is so lovely and complicated and poignant. Watching birds is surprisingly (to me) absorbing. It reminded me of what I've heard people say about fishing. It's mostly about being out on the boat, quiet, drifting.

deep purple

Somewhere in December I hit a painting wall, 

so I took some time off, didn't even think about it. 

But I became obsessed with a color--

a deep purply black.

I only saw it in my mind's eye, and I don't know why,

but when I returned to my studio I painted this.

Then this.

I've been painting thicker and faster.

tree bark, Providence Rhode Island

I suppose the lesson is than when stuck

it really can help to step back, take a breath,

to let my mind, and my eyes, 

and my mind's eyes

wander. 

Merry & Bright

Season's Greetings from the Freshtown bear.

Freshtown is our Catskills grocery store, 

and it is well populated with carved bears.

Every year I do less and less holiday decorating

and enjoy it more and more.

Just imagine a single wreath on this old barn.

Deer festivities,

mantlepiece whimsy,

and a tree. Greens scattered here and there.

Outside, a tree with colored lights.

Inside, the first time I've used white lights in many years.

We are doing our family Christmas with the boys this weekend.

Christmas Eve I will find a candlelight church service,

and on Christmas proper I will be at the cat shelter in the morning,

then a movie and Chinese food.

I am almost free of tradition, and it is liberating.

Downstream

When in the country the waterfall is the center of attention. It is majestic and loud and beautiful. It slows people down, they pause and contemplate. The stream it feeds into becomes an afterthought. So I've been trying to pay more attention to what goes on downstream. The smaller falls, swirls and eddies formed by rocks. The rocks themselves. Mossy, ferny twiggy things.

 Icy bits are starting to form.

Thanksgiving was an eclectic bunch of friends, everyone brought something. I  made my favorite applesauce cake. I boil apple slices in apple cider so it is very apple-y. Holiday lights went up in the little towns, a wonderful thing when it gets dark at 4:00. There were lots of leftovers, and Reader, I read Jane Eyre for the first time.

xo, Jennifer

Catskills, something new

Most of you who read this blog were with me when I had my little store in the Catskills.

Now, my family is starting a new venture. We've bought a commercial property
in the rural hamlet of Andes, New York, in the Western Catskills .

Over the years it's been a creamery, a lumber mill, and a feed and grain store.
It's right next to the old train depot, where in the early 20th century, cans of Andes milk
 from the creamery were loaded onto the train for delivery to distant places.

There's plenty of sunny land to start a flower farm or grow blueberries
or, maybe one day, have donkeys or goats.
Thanks to Delaware County's Right to Farm Law
you can have a farm in the middle of town.
(Read more about that here.)
Though at 3.5 acres we won't be doing any serious farming.
But still, flowers...(for the goats to eat?)

One day I hope to have a painting studio inside that door,

with a view of the rolling hills and changing seasons.

There are also two huge pole barns,
for tractors or square dances or art installations.
There are a lot of unknowns,
but there's plenty of space for dreamers to implement their dreams.

I'm a little nervous about it. It's a real, long-term commitment. Not something I expected or asked for, but it's a wonderful property, and I'm feeling some love for it. It's about five miles from the house where we've been weekenders since 2002. The Rail Trail is on one side, the Tremperskill Creek on the other, and it's two blocks from Main Street. The best part about having my store was the friends I made, of feeling like I was part of the community. This rural region of upstate New York makes my world a better place, and I hope we can return the favor.